i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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