After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
