He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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