It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
