I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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