I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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