when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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