I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
