Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
wow bdsm is so cute
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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