He told me they were just razor bumps!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
