At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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