I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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