My first STD was from a foam party
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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