Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
