I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
bring money and cleavage
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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