I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
