First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
