It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
