oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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