Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We named our party play list daddy issues
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
