im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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