How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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