dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
