Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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