New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
