Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
