I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
