Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
