Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
