Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
