I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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