A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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