I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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