Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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