Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No subtext here. People are naked.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
