I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
