Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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