He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
