Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
