I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
wow bdsm is so cute
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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