oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just high enough for therapy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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