How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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