You're so nebulous sometimes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
