I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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