All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
