The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
