Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
