Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
