You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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