Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
