your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
