i permit you to call me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
