When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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