My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
