Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
