Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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