Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
