I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
