The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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