"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
