it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
