sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
