Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
