alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
