Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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