when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
