somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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