apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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